By: Ray Simpson, Self-Advocate
Meet Thomas!
“They teach us in self-advocacy that they’re your boundaries and they’re you rights. Don’t be scared to say no.”
This month’s theme for the Self-Advocacy Spotlight is boundaries. Tom will be sharing his experiences with boundaries and how he uses them in daily life. Boundaries are how we separate ourselves from others to protect our physical, mental and emotional health. Boundaries are ways to share our wants and needs with others in a way they can understand.
Tom has been a self-advocate all his life. He and his family have been involved in politics and self-advocacy work with the state of Minnesota for several years. Tom once worked as a political delegate for the city of Minneapolis. (A delegate helps decide which person from each political party will be voted for in upcoming elections.) Tom has also taken the Partners in Policymaking program. Partners in Policymaking is a free program designed to teach people with disabilities and their families the power of advocacy.
Boundaries are very important to Tom. He makes sure others understand his physical needs. “Don’t touch me. I don’t like people touching me because of things that have happened in the past. Tell people if they can touch you or not, or if you need space. Respect people’s boundaries so you don’t get in trouble. You learn in self-advocacy, they’re your boundaries, and they’re your rights. Don’t be scared to say no.”
Tom uses boundaries at work each day so that he can focus on his job. He communicates with his coworkers respectfully, so they understand his needs and wants. “I tell people how I am feeling so they know if they need to give me space. I tell them if I don’t want them to talk to me while I’m working. I feel I’m being true to myself that way and respecting myself when I tell people what I need.”
Boundaries with friends and family are also important to Tom. He communicates his feelings and experiences to get the support he needs. “I tell my friends and family how I feel. If they aren’t there, they aren’t your friends. I want to be able to be myself and share who I am. Boundaries help me be who I want to be.”
Tom has found many ways to use boundaries and advocate for himself. “I’m learning how to set boundaries and taking classes to be a self-advocate. Setting boundaries has helped me make more friends. I took a self-defense class for a day to help me learn to set physical boundaries. I also took taekwondo for two months. I liked it” (Taekwondo is a form of self-defense that originated in Korea. It is one of the oldest forms of martial arts in the world.)
Tom shared advice for self-advocates who want to learn how to set boundaries with others. “It is important to set boundaries to help you know who you are. Set clear rules for people of what boundaries you have and don’t. It can ruin relationships if you don’t tell people your boundaries. Don’t be scared to say no, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. If you aren’t sure what to do, ask family, friends or staff. They are there to help you.”